words

i've always thought of life a story. those of you who converse with me often are i'm sure sick of this analogy. but thats what it is, a beautiful epic novel written by our creator. there are times when we can dance along the words that are being written with a certain ease, and flexibility. These are those green pasture times when life seems to be totally right. I feel there are other times when we sit on the words that never pause and the words push us a long. There are still other times when we fight with the words, we try to tear our attachment to them and tell the words they are wrong. We fight and pull to no avail and simply belay the process of a certain sentence being written.

trusting in the words that compose the layout of our life is a difficult task. I want to have a plan of action, a sure fire way to achieve stability, I kick and fight and scream until I feel like I have control over a situation. And yet amidst this kicking, screaming, wining and the fireworks that announce the pity party I am throwing, the story teller laughs at my plan. I can hear his cosmic giggles now, they are sucking the life right out of my party and stifling the fireworks.

Throughout our spiritual journey we are constantly being asked to submit. submit to God, submit to others, submit to our friends and neighbors. This simple act of surrender is such a beautiful thing. The act of submission forces us to take the lesser seat, put our own agenda last, and trust in the words that God is writing. it's so easy and yet I feel as if i fight this very act tooth and nail. Sometimes I think God gets fed up with me and straps me down so I stop trying to jump off the page. At this point I scream and flex every muscle I have trying to break free of the straps that control my destiny. I imagine God probably gathers the angels around and they all get a good laugh out of this scene, the site of tiny little nothing me protesting an almighty God has got to be comical.

It is all so simple. The essence of our relationship is God looking down at me and swooning "I love you, I love you, I LOVE you." This statement can be concluded only If I can stop snarling and fighting long enough to look back at him and respond, "no no no, I love you, I love you, I love you." As McGrath puts it in "The Divine Embrace", "Christians Spirituality...simply put is God's passionate embrace of us; our passionate embrace of God. These two aspects of Christian spirituality are like the two sides of a coin - inextricably linked together, unable to exist apart. On one side we find the divine initiative, referring to what God does to make us spiritual. On the other side we find our response, referring to our reception of the union." It is an incredibly beautiful embrace, its how things were meant to be. If only I would submit to the idea.

We were meant to dance hand in hand with the author of our story as he writes, not watch from a distance or walk grudgingly as I tend to. These words are beautiful, at times more non-coherent and confusing then the first brush stroke of a Monet or a Degas, but they are always beautiful. In the end a gorgeous symphony of stories is composed as our story interacts with other stories if we let it. I need to trust the beauty, even though I feel as though my story is more jazz improve then classical right now, I need to trust it and fall into the dance that the author has for me. i need to stop fighting his lead.