benjamincapps

www.benjaminandbekah.blogspotcom

2009-05-04T14:30:00.000-07:00

I am shifting to a new blog. one that I will share with my soon to be wife. www.benjaminandbekah.blogspot.com

breathing oxygen into the mortar of society

2009-03-20T14:54:00.000-07:00

There is something about ivy crawling up a brick wall that captures my eye. Green ivy seems to be the m.s.g. of the brick building world, I am intrinsically drawn to any brick structure that has ivy growing up it. That is just how it is. I especially love it when the brick building is older, when the years have had their way with the mortar between the bricks and the concrete that has served as an age old structural device begins to devolve back into its original organic state. What draws me to these buildings is the life that the ivy contains. This green plant so abundant with life and vitality attaches itself to a creation that could not be more lifeless and sinks its roots into the mortar as if breathing oxygen directly into the guts of the operation. Ivy then expedites the degradation of the wall forcing it to gradually devolve to its organic state.The idea of this is alluring to me - this breaking down of inanimate concrete with spurts of oxygen giving life. The part however that draws me to the image of all of this is the distinct joining of the two. The ivy cannot transform the wall without laying roots in the concrete. Without the ivy, the brick will continue, as will the ivy without the brick. It is however, when the two come together that the ivy begins to breath life into death and begins to transform this brick wall into its original organic state.

In John 1 there is this absolutely beautiful description of the incarnation of Christ. John, with the utmost of eloquence, carefully outlines everything that Christ is in an indisputable way.

“ 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. 4 In him was life, [1] and the life was the light of men. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
6 There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. 7 He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him. 8 He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light.
9 The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world. 10 He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. 11 He came to his own, [2] and his own people [3] did not receive him. 12 But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, 13 who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.
14 And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.

How beautiful is that? In Eugene Peterson’s “the message” he translates verse 14 saying “the word became flesh and blood and moved into the neighborhood.” This Jesus who is fully God and has been since the beginning, steps down off of his thrown above, becomes flesh, and moves into the neighborhood. Jesus chose to lay roots in the bricks of this messy world and breathed his breath of life into mortar of our society.
Jesus Christ’s life, death, and resurrection sets the tone for our ministry as Christ followers. Christ came became fully human, and yet remained fully God. Christ then left this world with a charge to his followers to continue his ministry. He gave us a perfect example of incarnational ministry and instructs us to follow.

Lately I’ve been walking the streets of my neighborhood a lot. Living in North Minneapolis has taught me so much about life. The real kind of life with pain, addictions, and trials. This analogy that I’ve been drawing leaps to life when walking these streets.

It comes to life because amidst all this pain, addiction and difficulty, I see the breath of a living God. I see this breath embodied by my neighbors who are making a way through some of this mess and reaching for a way out. I see it through the countless individuals who have given up the temptation and comfort of suburban living to sink roots here in the city and be a good neighbor. I see it through the numerous youth programs that seem to be popping up everywhere offering hope for children and a way out of this vicious cycle of poverty. This is the kind of breath that Jesus was about, this breath of hope over disparity, relationship over corporation, life over death. This kind of breath is irresistible, it calls to me, it makes me question what kind of breath I am breathing - makes me want to take root. It compels me to want to get outside of myself, sink root into the mortar of this society and breath the very breath of life that Christ mandated that we breath into our world.

Our House

2009-02-16T07:18:00.000-08:00

Its official. Bekah is a homeowner, one that I will marry soon. After an incredibly short time of searching, Bekah and I came across a foreclosed condo two blocks from Powderhorn park. The condo is in an old brownstone and was originally two apartment units that the association merged into one. The place is quite spacious and full of unique character. I can honestly say that the only reason the place worked out was due to an absolutely breath taking price tag, and when I say breath taking I mean that I still wake up four times a night and pinch my self to see if this has all been one big dream. It appears that the situation is not an aberration but an incredible blessing.

The Powderhorn neighborhood is an inner city, south Minneapolis community, centered around a large park which sits in the middle of the neighborhood. Powderhorn is a vibrant community known for its diversity and although it has historically been viewed as a "rough neighborhood", in the "margins of Minneapolis" there is a spirit of entrepreneurship that permeates through the community and is embodied by the plethora of successful Hispanic and African store fronts along lake street.

I am looking forward to many a weekend painting, refinishing floors, and deep cleaning the place over the next several months.

view from the park

My trip to Pennsylvania

2009-02-12T15:14:00.000-08:00

One of the facets of my position with YouthWorks is recruiting our summer staff at a variety of schools across the nation. I love this portion of my job for a variety of reasons one being the chance to get out of the office for a bit and interact face to face with college students. These trips involve a lot of hanging out in college cafeterias speaking in chapels and class rooms, attending evening christian fellowships, drinking coffee with the intrigued and casting vision to the apathetic and the skeptical.

There is also something about a college campus that resonates well within my soul. Perhaps it is the air of learning, questioning and experimenting; or maybe it is the fact that caffeine runs at such a high concentration within the blood of an average college student that I get a false happiness of sort. Whatever the reason, brick buildings filled with books, idealistic minds and learning gets my heart beating a little faster. This week I've had the chance to experience a few great campuses. Among these campuses are Grove City, Slippery Rock, Geneva and the University of Pittsburgh.

I have honestly been truly blessed by a variety encounters, moments and experiences that I have had over the past few days. Last night for instance I had the pleasure of joining cornerstone ministry out at the University of Pittsburgh. This campus ministry meets in the basement of a presbyterian church on campus and despite its damp, dreary surroundings the room filled up quickly with vibrant boisterous college students excited to be sharing in christian community. I was impressed with the depth of the message brought and refreshed by the authentic worship. Earlier in the day I sought refuge at a small coffee shop across the street from Geneva. I had spent several hours fielding questions about our ministry, giving presentations in classes and handing out brochures and was in need of coffee. What I stumbled upon was the beaver falls coffee and tea company. Upon walking in I was immediately greeted by several students I had spoken with earlier and after receiving my drink (which I must say rivals the quality of mugswigz in Canton) was asked to join them. What followed was a wonderful conversation ranging from tattoos, to finding God in odd places, to our role in God's redemptive process. I walked away from beaver falls coffee and tea company not only with a few new friends, but also with a refreshed and rejuvenated attitude.

It is encounters like these that make me love my job.

Tomorrow I will be setting up an info table at the Jubilee Conference in downtown Pittsburgh.

she said yes.

2008-10-28T18:02:00.000-07:00

I'm posting a few pictures from my recent weekend with my now fiance, Bekah. It was an incredible weekend full of laughter, coffee, theater and one very special ring.

I've had the ring since august and it carries with it an incredible story, honestly told better by Bekah. The ring was handed down to me by Bekah's parents with the explanation that it was Bekah's great grandmothers. The ring was promised to Bekah years ago and it has always been understood that she would someday wear it.

I took the ring to a local jeweler that has done work our family before. I needed to get the ring cleaned up and repaired and also find a diamond to put in it. I then went to the task of finding a diamond. It was very important to Bekah (and I) that the diamond in her ring be conflict free. The corrupt nature of the

diamond industry is no secret and we really wanted to part in the mess depicted in the movie "blood diamond". The diamond finding process was slow and complicated at first and I ended up leaving the ring in Ohio in the hands of my parents and the jeweler when i moved to Minneapolis at the end of August. After two months of saving and searching I finally got a phone call from my Dad telling me that the jeweler had found a conflict free diamond that fit the ring perfect and he could have it put in the ring within a week. Considering Bekah's upcoming trip to Minneapolis the timing couldn't have been better.

The ring was restored and the diamond was set, creating a beautiful piece of jewelry with an equally beautiful story. The ring was however, still in Ohio. This issue was solved quickly by sneaking the ring into the violin case that Bekah had previously planned on bringing to me. Bekah would, unknowingly, bring her own ring to me. All of this transpired within a few days and I was left with a little over a week to plan a proposal for the time frame that Bekah would be here.

Knowing that an over done and cheesy proposal would most likely leave me with a rejection I was left with the challenge o developing a unique and yet romantic proposal. After debating and collaborating with a few friends I found the right place, timed how long it would take to walk there, and planned every moment of what would happen. The reality is however, that none of these plans ever mattered. I had planned to meet Bekah at the airport when she got in. Maybe it was the anticipation in my heart about what was going to happen, maybe it was because after two months apart I had forgotten the impact Bekah has on my ability to think correctly, maybe it was the look in her eyes when she turned the corner off of the tram and came rushing into my arms. Whatever it was, I lost control of all my actions.

I felt my body drop to one knee, and my arms opened the case of my violin and uncover a small white box, the contents of this box known only by me. I can honestly say that i dont remember what I said or how I said it, Bekah has now told me that it was nothing to be ashamed of, but I can remember specifically the eyes that met mine as my head tilted up and presented the ring that carried so much meaning and so much history. Eyes of assurance and comfort, eyes that have met mine so many times before in so many contexts and yet still the same. And as she nodded her head yes and fell into my embrace, right there in the middle of the Minneapolis /St. Paul airport, with trams going by and people rushing past, nothing else mattered. I fell in to a place of intense belonging and purpose, like the final piece of a puzzle completing what had begun so long ago, completing a chapter in the story of our lives. And as we sat in this pseudo romantic setting with people swirling about we sat at peace in that belonging.

The next day I showed Bekah where I had previously prepared to purpose. We both decided the airport was way cooler.

The lake superior hiking trail

2008-10-15T21:09:00.000-07:00

A few weekends ago I was immersed in northern Minnesota and the Lake Superior Hiking trail. As disjointed and random as the trip was, I really enjoyed the area and hope to make a more official visit one day. Here are a few pictures:

From dead works to a living God.

2007-09-17T08:13:00.001-07:00

There is somewhat of a legend at Malone of a professor who recently retired. This German professor who had fought on the German side during WWII had a habit of standing in front of a class, his withered body leaning against a podium for support and exclaiming, “You must remember the Christ event!” He emphasized this point in every lecture he ever gave. He clung to the fact the Christ event was a necessity for every sermon, lecture, and piece of writing and he is probably right.

It was several years ago now that I began to contemplate and roll around the impact of this historic event. I was writing a research paper on several different theories that exist today regarding the death and resurrection of Christ and It was at this time that i really began to grasp the implications of the Christ event, it changed everything. I can say now that this time period for me gave me a very elementary understanding, but none-the-less this understanding was something new to me. I realized at this time how dramatic this event was, it changed the way the world oppreated. If it were not for the Christ’s, life, death, and resurrection we, as gentiles, would be as lost as lost can be, stumbling around in a world with absolutely no hope.

My story continues in an interesting way. During my under grad education I was required to do a very lengthy and in depth study of world religions. During this course we chose a few specific religions we wanted to really delve into and write up a research paper on. About mid way through the semester I chose to research Judaism, for me as a Christian, it made sense to do this. I became fascinated with the Jewish laws and customs rooted in the Torah, I read everything I could get my hands on and purchased a book of key portions of the Talmud. I attended a few Jewish services including a Mesionic service several times and looked into the Hebrew language. On a surface level, I even attempted eating Koshor for a time although i gave this up when I realized that I couldent actually eat out at any resturants, would not be able to eat at our school cafeteria, could not eat at my parents house, and would have to buy all new kitchen equipment if I ever really wanted to experience true, torah mandated, koshor eating. Suffice it to say, I was very intrigued by the Jewish law, the law of the old testament, I found beauty in ritualistic practices. I began to wonder, where is this kind of beauty in Christianity?

This attitude is what led me to really develop my thoughts about the Christ event. The history of Christianity began in a small room after the ascension of Christ by a group of people committed to living out this revolutionary kingdom that Jesus Christ had introduced. I wish that I could have been a fly on the wall sometimes as these first Christians processed the implications of this new law. Can you imagine growing up in Jewish culture and being told that there was no longer such a thing as “unclean”? That this gospel was a global one? That we are now justified by faith alone and not by works like circumcision, sacrifices or eating habits? These are practice that we never would dream of as 21 century christians (unless your a weirdo religion nerd like me and try the actually near impossible practice of eating kosher, or like my friend who kills a bull everytime he lies jk). So what happened? Were these jewish people being asked to simply give up their ideas of creating sacred places, and following the jewish law? Hardly.

In Mathew 5.17 Christ is in the process of giving the first of his five major discourses, what we know of today as the sermon on the mount. He was addressing all kinds of hot button issues and probably raising all kinds of eye brows. During this time he shoots out a little disclaimer, stating ” Do not think that i have come to abolish the law or the prphets; I have come not to abolish but to fulfill. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth pass away, not one letter, not one stroke of a letter, will pass from the law until is is accomplished.” Interesting. What do we as Christians living in the light of the New testament do with this kind of a statement? I have no doubt that this is the kind of statment that the early Christians battled with as well, as evidenced by the many letters written thorughout the N.T. outlining that we are no longer under the law, but how is that?

We find the answer to these questions in Hebrews. The book of Hebrews is known by most scholars as an anonymous sermon directed towards a Christian community comprised probably mostly of Jews who without a doubt are struggling with what to do with the Jewish law outlined in the Septuagint. In Hebrews chapter nine the author begins to in advanced understanding describe the “first covenant” referring to the Torah. The passage specifically refers to the reitualistic practice of cleansing by a high priest, and the entering into of the holo of holies which was restricted to the high preist. Hebrews 9.11-14 puts all of this in the light of the new covenant, “But when Christ came as a high priest of the good things that have come, then through the greater and perfect tent (not made with hands, that is, not of this creation) he entered once for all into the Holy Place, not with the blood of goats and calves, but with his own blood, thus obtaining eternal redemption. for if the blood of goats and bulls, with the sprinkling of ashes of a heifer, sanctifies those who have been defiled so their flesh is purified, how much more will the blood of Christ, who through eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, purify our conscience from dead works to worship the living God!” The author goes on. “For this reason he is the mediator of a new covenant, so that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance, because a death has occurred that redeems them from the transgressions under the first covenant.” LAW: ACCOMPLISHED. Completed, fulfilled, payed for, we now move from dead works to a living God! How exciting is that? Because of the blood that Christ shed on the cross we live under a new convenant in which we carry the sacredness of God in our flesh. Everyplace is sacred, every food is blessed, every sin forgiven. We walk under this light. To understand this convenant is to understand that there is absolutley nothing we could ever do to deserve it. It is unmerited, we cannot earn it, there is nothing we could ever due to earn a slavation like this.

As Augustine puts it, “Humanity is justified as an act of grace. Even human good works are a result of God working within fallen human nature. Everything leading up to salvation is the free and unmreited gift of God given out of love for sinners. Through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. God enabled to deal with fallen humanity in this remarkable and generous mannor, giving us what we no not deserve, (salvation) and withholding from us that which we do deserve (damnation).

How beautiful is that? Beautiful enough to give your life for the kingdom? It is through this salvation that we grow towards Christ and receive that gradual gift of sanctification in which we begin to long for the very things that Christ longs for.

I am not discounting the Old Testament as irrelevant, on the contrary, it is through the understanding of the first covenant that we fully understand the new covenant. This is a grad drama, and every part matters. I also still find beauty in the Jewish customs, for those who are interested in these I suggest reading Lauren Winners “mud-house Shabot” A wonderful book written by a formally orthadox Jew from a now christian perspective, she knows what shes talking about. And although my “going kosher” was probably more offensive to jews by thinking I was eating Kosher from the same pan that bacon was cooked in a week ago, then anything else, there is still alot to learn from the Jewish law. However, as my German prof would say, WE MUST REMEMBER THE CHRIST EVENT!”

May you live daily in the undeserved grace given to you, and continue to grow in Christ and desire what he desires.

2007-09-17T08:13:00.000-07:00

water

2007-09-02T16:32:00.000-07:00

in my last post i described christian spirituality as God looking down at us and swooning "I love you, I love you, I LOVE you." and our response being, "no no no, I love you, I love you, I love you."

First of all I need to recognize that I stole that analogy from a Donald Miller pod-cast. It is an excellent pod-cast and I would recommend any of Don's podcasts to you without hesitation.

Secondly I want to expand on that a bit.

since coming back from youthworks I've been bitten pretty hard by a travel bug. since coming back to Ohio I've been to New York city, New Jersey, Philadelphia, Washington DC, Pittsburgh and most recently Niagara falls NY. Although a few of those places were hit during an intense 36 hour road trip only stopping in any one place for a max of three hours, the immense amount of site seeing has spurred my mind in a few directions. Why do we as humans go out of our way in large crowds to see certain sites?

this especially hit me in Niagara Falls.

our trip involved getting up early driving 5 hours to the NY side of the falls, arriving pumping our blood steams with caffeine, sight seeing for a few hours grabbing an early dinner at a hole in the wall diner, napping in the park for a few hours then wrapping things up by gazing at sun set over the powerful horse shoe falls and watching the strategically placed colored lights come to life and reflect off of the water like a brilliant show. it was while I was staring at the falls watching them cascade in their naturally majestic way that i began to ponder my own sanity. why? why do i do this? why did i drive this 4 hours on a holiday weekend to watch water fall into a large hole? i watch water fall down sinks everyday, when i come out of class i watch water in the air and fall back down every time i walk out of class. why did i do this? then i looked out again, the powerful water surged over rocks and cascaded hundreds of feet to the ground spraying mist in the faces of on lookers and all over buildings that have been built. And somehow my answers were met. I cant explain it, words cant describe the emotions that this phenomena evoked.

In my organismal biology class we are learning that everything that we do think and feel is caused by a chemical reaction in our brain. everything. we touch a hot stove and jerk our hand back because a chemical in our brain tells us it is hot, we kiss a member of the opposite sex and a chemical in our brain tells us it feels good, we pull all nighters studying or talking and a chemical in our brain tells us to sleep, we listen to Sufjan and smoke pipes and a chemical tells us this is relaxing. this all made sense to me as i looked out at these falls and found it to be one of the more beautiful things i have ever encountered, a chemical in my brain was telling me this is beautiful.

I once heard John MacMurray talk about how God created these chemicals in our brain and certain majestic sights to dazzle us. This makes sense to me. As I was sitting watching God's creation, enjoying this matural chemical that is telling me that this is beauty I could almost here God's song... "I love you I love you I love you." I had no choice but to return the emotion.

i began to discuss this concept with Bekah who was sitting with me and had an epiphany of sorts. God could have created us on a desolate planet made of granite where we are sustained by granite, breath by granite and acheive everything we need through granite. Instead he gave us trees, the ocean, mountains, waterfalls, and chemicals in our brain that tells us that these things are beautiful. we were created then to gaze into the water, climb mountains, dive into waves, enjoy a vast array of other wonders he has given us, and to love the creator. love for the creator then extends into love for the creation and our own desire to see the creators will for the creation realized.

my friend Tim posed an interesting question earlier on the trip.. he chuckled to himself and asked us all, "what do you think would happen if the falls stopped, just for one second everything stopped then picked up again as if nothing had happened. I looked at Tim and said well obviously people would just stop coming here. A good laugh was enjoyed by all at this response but now I think that my answer is true. If the falls stopped and people realized that they could stop or be controlled the wonder would be lost and people would stop going. we go to the falls to enjoy a chemical that rubs our mind in just the right way and feel like we are a part of something bigger, a part of something that we dont totally understand nor can we control it. we go there to feel love form our creator.

words

2007-08-29T17:30:00.000-07:00

i've always thought of life a story. those of you who converse with me often are i'm sure sick of this analogy. but thats what it is, a beautiful epic novel written by our creator. there are times when we can dance along the words that are being written with a certain ease, and flexibility. These are those green pasture times when life seems to be totally right. I feel there are other times when we sit on the words that never pause and the words push us a long. There are still other times when we fight with the words, we try to tear our attachment to them and tell the words they are wrong. We fight and pull to no avail and simply belay the process of a certain sentence being written.

trusting in the words that compose the layout of our life is a difficult task. I want to have a plan of action, a sure fire way to achieve stability, I kick and fight and scream until I feel like I have control over a situation. And yet amidst this kicking, screaming, wining and the fireworks that announce the pity party I am throwing, the story teller laughs at my plan. I can hear his cosmic giggles now, they are sucking the life right out of my party and stifling the fireworks.

Throughout our spiritual journey we are constantly being asked to submit. submit to God, submit to others, submit to our friends and neighbors. This simple act of surrender is such a beautiful thing. The act of submission forces us to take the lesser seat, put our own agenda last, and trust in the words that God is writing. it's so easy and yet I feel as if i fight this very act tooth and nail. Sometimes I think God gets fed up with me and straps me down so I stop trying to jump off the page. At this point I scream and flex every muscle I have trying to break free of the straps that control my destiny. I imagine God probably gathers the angels around and they all get a good laugh out of this scene, the site of tiny little nothing me protesting an almighty God has got to be comical.

It is all so simple. The essence of our relationship is God looking down at me and swooning "I love you, I love you, I LOVE you." This statement can be concluded only If I can stop snarling and fighting long enough to look back at him and respond, "no no no, I love you, I love you, I love you." As McGrath puts it in "The Divine Embrace", "Christians Spirituality...simply put is God's passionate embrace of us; our passionate embrace of God. These two aspects of Christian spirituality are like the two sides of a coin - inextricably linked together, unable to exist apart. On one side we find the divine initiative, referring to what God does to make us spiritual. On the other side we find our response, referring to our reception of the union." It is an incredibly beautiful embrace, its how things were meant to be. If only I would submit to the idea.

We were meant to dance hand in hand with the author of our story as he writes, not watch from a distance or walk grudgingly as I tend to. These words are beautiful, at times more non-coherent and confusing then the first brush stroke of a Monet or a Degas, but they are always beautiful. In the end a gorgeous symphony of stories is composed as our story interacts with other stories if we let it. I need to trust the beauty, even though I feel as though my story is more jazz improve then classical right now, I need to trust it and fall into the dance that the author has for me. i need to stop fighting his lead.

my absurd and cyclical pnderings...

2007-08-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

processing is a word that i have heard thrown around this summer with entirely to much liberty, and understandably so. It makes sense that it takes some intentional processing time for a high schooler to form concrete ideas about what he has experienced on a week long mission trip. Let alone one of my staff members who have been at work since late may. We set aside an intentional time day to process, we provide journaling materials and pose questions to assist in processing. The act of processing seems to be done by reflecting on experiences in the near past and determining what these experiences mean in the broader scheme of things and how they effect our immediate spiritual development.

I recently have been contemplating this act, and my involvement in the ritual... one may say i have been processing the act of processing and my involvement in processing which over all is absurd and incredibly cyclical. However, I am partaking in the absurdity all the same.

I brought this up in conversation with my area director and wondered how I could process all that has happened this summer. She responded with something that stuck with me. I cannot quote the exact phrasing she used but the general feeling I got from her response was the idea that maybe there will never be a set time or place that I will finish processing... it made sense. As I thought more about this I realized how true and correct this view is. The act of processing what is happening, what has happened and what may happen is something that should be an on-going act. consistently evaluating how things effect us, consistently striving to make sense of our own spiritual development, consistently dusting for the fingerprints of an all mighty God on our life journey and figuring out where those finger prints may be headed. Never ever becoming comfortable enough to say, i have fully processed everything that has happened in my life and can now sit back and bask in the knowledge that I am complete.

lately I have been encouraging people more and more and striving in my personal life to ask tough questions... why do we do the things that we do... really? The day we quit asking questions and stop processing what is going on is the day we become a comfortable Christian. Although comfort is somewhere that seems to be a good place and seems to be a goal of sorts, I cannot help but wonder if it is comfortable Christians who breed sterile and dead churches. I wonder if it is the Christians who stop processing after the designated time they are given and accept their Christianity for what it is and sit back and relax on that thought are at fault for the deathly sleep that the American church is engulfed in.

When Jesus Christ came to earth, his ministry was a far cry from a comfortable one.

He spoke in parables, the very nature of a parable causes a person to think, to roll the words of the parable around in their mind until each phrase is like a piece of toffee that bounces from cheek to cheek. The individuals who got something out of the parables were those who dared to let them enter their minds and stay there. Once they were in their heads they could tear them apart, question them, analyze his teachings. process them. These are the people Jesus spoke to. Those who were comfortable found no need to think about these parables beyond a surface level.

embracing processing as a life style is a commitment to being uncomfortable, a commitment to living a dynamic life, constantly changing, constantly bending and flexing, constantly morphing, movement is necessary. or else we cease to exist.

diversity.... i beleive its a large wooden ship. holy communion and gospel music.

2007-07-14T10:21:00.000-07:00

since the early days of Christianity, there has been division and theological differences within the Church. thus, the development of denominations. these denominations are seen by many as a stumbling block and something that divides the Church and compromises its mission. others see this division simply as a preference system... kind of like a buffet, especially in America. Want some foot stomping gospel music... we have some southern baptists coming right up... wanna read some serious liturgy, well you've got some options. Needless to say, this different strokes for different folks thought pattern is also a popular mentality.

Working this summer with youthworks, has opened my eyes to a lot of these differences and the beauty of their unity. One of the core values of youthworks is the fact that we are multi-denominational. Growing up non-denominational I am finding that multi-denominational and non-denominational are incredibly different. I grew up in a church whare denomination was non-exsistant, we worshiped God and read the bible, however, there was no rich theological history that we clung to. There was a certain beauty in this unattached form of worship and I think differently then a lot of people because of this background. However, I have also found an incredible beauty in embracing a history of attachment to a theological commitment and worship style.

Each week I have the chance to experience individuals who for the most part have embraced a facet of denomination. Our first week we had two Lutheran groups, week two we had the methodists, week three brought us baptists, lutherans, and presbyterians, and week four ushered in more methodists, lutherans and large group of catholics. From my vantage point, watching all of these churches interact with one another is incredible and absolutely eye-opening.

During week one our two Lutheran groups bonded over a common worship style and theology. As the week progressed conversations were had among the two lutheran churches present and they came to the decision that on wednesday night they would wanted to hold a holy communion service and invited me and my staff to join them. I did. It was fascinating watching several adults and about 50 youth partake in this sacred tradition that the Lutheran denomination holds at such a high value. as I observed this happen I saw something that astounding me, as these youth took communion, they were honestly really having an incredibly spiritual moment. It was remarkable. There I was sitting in a presbyterian sanctuary, witnessing a lutheran communion service with my non-denominational eyes.

Week three also held a special moment for me. As I indicated above, during week three we were hit by a large dose of southern baptist. And when i say hit, I mean they came in singing gospel music and thumped in the spirit all five days they were here. They came in like a wave. Coincidentally, the minister of music just so happened to be an adult leader on the trip. I asked him to lead our worship at the wednesday night church service. He agreed, little did I know what he had in mind. What we got was a foot stomping gospel music service complete with harmonizing youth choir, a drummer (also on the trip) and an incredible spirit filled time of worship. They finished the service off with a stomp routine done by their youth stomp team. It blew my mind. That night I walked into the sanctuary to close down the church and found about thirty youth and two adults in a circle praying. It was not just the baptists, although they were the loudest as the prayer was sent around the circle like a pulse I also heard several timid presbyterian prayers and quit a few reverent Lutheran prayers. It was incredible, it was the best tangible description of diversity and unity that i have ever seen. They were praying for racial reconciliation and justice in the area, the beauty of it stopped in my tracks and completely overwhelmed me. Here I was, standing in the same place I had stood for holy communion, the same place I had partaken in baptist worship and a stomp reutine and now I was seeing the unity of three denominations joining together under one common goal. That goal being unity and justice. Could it get better then this?

At the core if it all, I think the most valuable thing I have learned from all of this is how simple everything really is. Although denominations make things confusing and difficult to understand to a certain degree, at the center we find Jesus, we find his ministry and his mandate to follow in his foot steps.

What if people understood this? What if instead of people saying I believe this and you believe that christians began to have conversations about the finer issues of christianity and worship and began embracing the diversity, united under one common goal of pursuing justice in this world and bringing Christ's kingdom to earth? These questions resonate in my mind especially after witnessing the beauty of different denominations and beliefs and the impact each of these groups have had on each other. Can we have unified diversity? What if the world saw the church as a unified body pursuing justice and Christs kingdom on earth rather then a group of divided sects and groups who are prone to condemn?

These questions flood my mind on a regular basis these days. is it possible to bring this large wooden ship other wise known as diversity out of the choppy sea where it is throwing people into a constant state of confusion and disarray and bring it in to a still calm lake where there can be peace?

oh the hats i wear...

2007-06-30T14:14:00.000-07:00

I've had two weeks of my own programming now and couldn't be happier.

The nature of my position here gives me the ability to fully grasp and be fairly involved in every area of our ministry here in Houma. Each day i have the oppurtunity to go to our work sites, hang out with the house owners, shoot over to senetors circle and play with fifty urban kids then hang out with high schoolers for the rest of the night. Thats my job. Its incredible. I'm getting paid for this.

One of my favorite parts of the day is going to meet the owners of the houses my teams are working on. Most of these individuals are in very poverty stricken areas and its tough to see sometimes. However, each day I make my way up an old deck or to the front door of a trailer and shake hands with a new home owner. These broken individuals have spoken into my life in areas where college professors have failed. I"m learning so much about true, pure, relationally driven ministry. I feel as though until now all of thoughts and theories about ministry and the way it should be carried about has been just that, thoughts and theories. I've known for a long time that Christ centered ministry should be something that is relationally driven, not through aggressive abrasive words, but through showing unconditional love and people showing a better way through acts of love. the way Jesus did things.

Last week this all made sense to me.

two weeks ago we worked on a woman named Erika's house, she lives in a trailer that until last week had no pluming, was missing one window and was in horrible over all disrepair. When I met Ericka she explained to me that she lived in this 3 room trailer with her six children. Ericka is 28. I spoke with Ericka for about half and hour about her life, where I was from and what we were doing in the area. The next few days my work projects staff Scott brought teams out to her house and continued to help her with her house, it was rough the work was tough and one team commented that they had witnessed a drug deal go down at the house. The last day we were working there I went out to access what had been done and speak with Ericka again, as I said good bye Erika hugged me and I walked away knowing that no matter what happened from there we had given her Christ like love and I felt ok with that. A few days later Scott rushed up to me and told me that Ericka had grabbed him when he was working on the neighbors house and asked if we could give her a ride to church on Sunday and get her kids registered for vacation bible school. It was bone chilling. There was no pressure, there was no alterier motives, there was jsut pure unadulterated love, love for her, love for her community, love for her world. She saw something in that, and I look forward to sitting next to Ericka in church tomorrow.

Another facet of our ministry is our Kids Club. At kids club 50 or so urban 4-12 year olds get together, hear bible stories, sing songs, do crafts and play games outside. I generally selfishly show up only for outside games :). These kids are good for my soul. They are absolutely nuts and generally attention deprived. Long story short, they terrify all of the cute little subburban church groups for the first day but I love them. Last week a little boy fell during a pretty intense game of Mrs. Clocks. As I swept Zentrel up and brought him inside I began to realize that he had stopped crying and was clinging to me as if for dear life. I sat down maintaining my attachment and felt his soft black cheek laying against my shoulder, we stayed like this for about half an hour. It gave me time to think about Zentrel. Zentrel is one of the toughest five year olds I've ever met, and yet here he was off in the corner of the building laying completely vulnerable on my shoulder. then I began to realize, isent this what every one wants? To be able to be completely vulnerable to someone that will give you love. Zentrel come from a weird famil situation, he lives with his mom who works and her boy friend, I dont know how long he's been around and I'm fairly certain his fathers in jail. I began to feel more and more honered to be sitting with this affection starved boy who felt comfortable enought o let his gaurd down and rest for a little bit. I love Zentrel and i'm real scared for him.

Another example of this is Edward, I met Edward on a baseball field he had walked away from kids club during song time because it was boring, so I played ball with him for a while. Edward is about 12 and plays in a league, I told Edward I wanted to go see him play sometime. He was ecstatic but could'ent grasp why i would want to do that. I realized the treasure chest of wealth that i possessed as a kid with a father who rarely ever missed my baseball games even late into high school.

I could write for much longer about the every little interaction that I've been touched by, but that there is a snap shot of what I've been doing in the community. I'm loving it.

Grace and Peace
benjamin

bayou la batre

2007-06-10T14:35:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing that I have learned during my time thus far about youthworks as an organization, it is the emphasis they put on training and properly equipping their employees for ministry. It is honestly somewhat exhaustive. We went through five days of training in Birmingham as an entire region, then did a prep week with just my team in houma, then went up to bayou la batre to work with the four teams in our area together and do an actual week of programming.

My time in the bayou was incredibly enjoyable. I was working with 15 other youth work staff members as apposed to the regular 3. So essentially we had four site directors, four work projects staff members, four kids club staff members and four program staff members. It was insane and somewhat chaotic, but i feel so much better about successfully completing a youthworks week at my site after doing it with all of them.

We were working with 56 youth from three different churches. On my first day my area director gave me instructions to pick up local kids for kids club. This task seemed nebulous and confusing to me at first, however, I followed instructions and what happened was incredible. I pulled my van and a church bus into a project looking apartment complex whare tons of Vietnamese children were running around. Because Youthworks has been in this area for so long many of these kids expect kids club each year and have either gone before or had siblings who have gone. As soon as I popped out with my Youthworks shirt and name tag we were bombarded by about 15 kids all eagerly awaiting to hop on that bus and head to kids club for the day, it was incredible. Moving on from the apartment complex with about 20 new 6-10 year old friends, we went on to a trailer park equally infested with children, they all also knew about kids club and hopped aboard our bus. All in all I think I picked up around 50 kids that day met with each of their parents most of whom lived in fema trailers.

As I was picking up these kids and visiting with their parents in their fema issued trailers so many thoughts began pouring through my head... whats going to happen to these kids when fema takes away the trailors in a few months? what kind of opportunities will they have? Will they stay in school? statistics say no. History says they will struggle to keep their head above water for the rest of their lives just like their parents and grandparents. Is it possible that these kids could be cycle breakers?

I spent the next several days overseeing work projects that were going on. We had three going on, each varying in the amount of work that needed to be done. I travled around to each of these sites and monitored progress, offered what help I could and spent some time with the families at each. I loved this job. It kept me moving, problem solving and building relationships all day long. The families were incredible to get to know, each had their own story and these stories just made everything so much more real.

I'd like to say that we finished every project, changed every kid at kids clubs life, left the community an excellent place for anyone to live and that every highschooler who worked with us this week now has a clear vision of what it is to be the hands and feet of God and pour out love onto communities like this one. I cant say that. What I can say is that we had a huge impact on about 56 students who saw for possible the first time in their lives what real poverty looks like and what it feels like to love them with actions. I can say that we had an impact on three families specifically who needed help and will continue to get help from the staff at bayou la batre. I can say that about fifty kids got to play four square with people who love them and care about their future, I can say that they saw positive role models and will continue to throughout the summer. It may not seem like much but they are small changes maybe they will lead to a bigger one.

I'm back in Houma now for another prep week, our first highschool group comes in exactly one week.

things in the south...

2007-06-09T09:58:00.000-07:00

its been three weeks.

three weeks split between Birmingham Alabama, Hoama Louisiana, and Bayou La Batre Alabama. my time in bermingham was pretty much filled with training sessions and team building so I really dident get to experience the culture much until arriving in hoama.

Upon arriving in however, the culture hit me like a brick wall. my staff and I stayed with a lovely family from the church that is hosting our programing during the week. They were happy to put Scott (my work projects staff) and I up in their friends trailer that was in their neighbors frount yard which was actually for sale. good times.

I spent most of the week in Hoama trying to get a feel for the area. After making about a hundred phone calls, meeting with about 9 pastors several government officials, and getting lost every other hour, I felt like I finally had an idea of what I was dealing with.

Hoama is one of the most diverse areas of the south, after Katrina the population went from around 20,000 to about 110,000, the area wasent hit as bad as others and many people moved this way because of that. This obviously created an issue.

The bayous are still filled with crabbers, shrimpers, fishers and their beat up boats. However, most of them have not been able to really do much in that area since katrina, they are also having to compete with foreign competition. Needless to say, the bayou area is incredibly impovrished as most of population is trying to count their losses in the industry and find a new way of life. Most of these people have been doing this since they dropped out of school at 12ish, as did their fathers and their grandfathers ect. This group of people is mostly Caucasian although one corner of shrimpers row (a stretch along th bayou) is African American, they keep to themselves, segregation is not only accepted in Hoama, it is expected.

About five miles down the highway from this shrimping community there is a native Americans population. Although they comprise about 10 percent of the population of Hoama, they are completely ignored by most. I spent a few hours talking to the native American representatives on the city council, whose presence on the coucel at all shows that forward progress is being made and he shed a lot of light on the Native American situation. They have actually made a lot of progress they were not allowed in schools until the 1970s. However, although progress is being made and the native Americans are beginning to be recognized by the government as a sizeable portion of the population of Hoama, there is a spirit of resentment that propogates among the people, they are bitter over previous generations and dont want to intermingle with the rest of Hoama, they want to stay in their corner, persecuted or not. The general attitude is that people are ok with that. 90 percent of Hoama would just as well pretend that the native Americans were not there at all.

Mean while on the other side of town... the influx of people coming into Hoama created projects. There is an area called senators circle whare housing projects have created an urban setting whare there is a lot of gang violence, drugs and abuse. After talking to a pastor in the area who is very involved I found out that nearly every house has a mother whose husband is in jail or on their way to jail. its really rough. the neighborhood has kids everywhare, the majority of these kids have awful family lives and like I said one of their parents is most likely missing or in prison. This area is pretty much totally African American.

As you can see Hoama is incredibly diverse. However, the diversity is entirely segregated. African Americans seem to have accepted a lower positions, in both a socio economical sense and a demographical sense, there is no fight between social classes because of this, but there is deffinient segregation. The three areas I talked about dont talk to each other at all.

I'll write more later about my time with 60 high schoolers in bayou la batre.

i'm picking up a southern drawl... i hate that.

dance with one arm waiving free...

2007-05-21T04:41:00.000-07:00

This morning I found myself on a plane headed to Birmingham Alabama for staff training, I will spend three days there with my staff developing solid relationships with them, leaning more about my position and warming up to southern culture.

One of my favorite movies in the world is Elizabeth Town, I love the level it takes people too, I would consider it a more viewer friendly garden state. Near the end of the movie circumstances find Drew Baylor, a once wealthy business-man who recently floped, found out his father has died, reconnects with his family, and meets a fantastic girl all in an hour of film, at a cross road. He has to choose weather to morn longer over his father, and his vocational failures, or take what he has learned from the family that he was until recently distant from, Claire, and his father's life and turn a page in his own life. He is in the middle of a road trip that Claire has designed for him totally equipped with mix tapes, maps and notes with instructions on how to make the trip interesting (what a woman). Drew finds himself in a wooded path where Clare instructs him to dance with one arm waiving free. The scene is brillient. With no one watching (sans thousands of movie viewers) Drew cuts loose and dances around this wooded area with one arm waiving exuberantly in the air, its incredible.

What I find incredible about this scene is not necessarily Drew's dance moves or Clare's edgy charm. What I think is incredible is how accurately this scene depicts turning a page in life. All of us turn pages, big pages, small pages, pages we may want to return to, everyone does it. I have a tough time with this. I'm sentimental and want to hang on to everything and everyone. However, I have found that the best way to approach this is by doing just what Drew did, he counted his loses, but focused on what he was gaining from the situation and went into the next page dancing. I am not at all comparing my situation to Drew Baylor's, my father is alive and my job is secure, but a page is still turned.

As I began to walk down the coridor onto my first plane this morning a stranger would have seen a weird, entirely to awake, kid with a beat up backpack waiving his hand in the air somewhat victoriously. I however, knew that that hand in the air was me dancing into the summer with one hand waiving freely and shamelessly.

my first post

2007-05-15T13:24:00.000-07:00

welcome to my blog.

I'm starting this mainly to keep in contact with close friends that I have over the summer.
as many of you know I will be leaving for gulf coast luisianna on monday. I have been given a job as a site director at the Youth Works site there.

Youth works has over seventy sites all over the United States, Canada, and Mexico. The organization invites church youth groups to come out and spend a week at these sites to participate in Children ministry, work projects, urban ministry and a variety of other types of ministry depending on the site. My site in Houma Louisiana will concentrate a lot on providing hurricane relief, and working with the local youth. The over all goal of all youth works sites however, is two fold. Youth Works strives to not only make a lasting difference in a community through empowering local leaders and churches with willing hands, it is also our intention to transform the hearts of youth. We want to get the youth to really think about issues like poverty, racism, and social injustice and our responsibility to these issues as Christians. It is our hope that participants are able to take the things they learn on their week long trips and use this passion to transform their own community.

My job will basically be to supervise and manage the site, work with adult leaders and provide leadership for them, strengthen community relationships, oversee each ministry site and complete weekly administrative functions, and be a leadership and mentor figure for my site staff. It seems to be the job of my dreams.

The past few weeks have been pretty crazy trying to wrap things up here at home (both Stow and Canton), and beginning to get in contact with my site staff and community members in Hauma. While holding down the fort for my Dad at the Hartville Market whare I have worked for the past two summers. My hope is that I will be able to update this blog fairly often when in Hauma to keep my friends and family up to date.

Blessings to all.
Ben Capps